Lady A goes to the Breast Show Ever!

RedRum. Photo: Lady A.

Thursday was a night of breast-themed burlesque (is there any other kind?) at Mary’s Attic in Andersonville, and Lady A was there to witness the femme-friendly fun.

Hosted by Bright Pink and Howard Brown Health Center’s Lesbian Community Care Project, the free event provided inspiring speakers, pink cupcakes and a quiz show-type trivia game about breast health that proved extremely educational — even for self-proclaimed boobie guru, yours truly. But the real draw was the entertainment. Fresh and humor-filled, surprisingly heart-wrenching and always delightful, the fourth annual Breast Show Ever! featured some of the city’s finest tassle-twirling burlesque artists to support the care of one of nature’s wonders: Boobs.

I brought my boobs to the show, but happily lost the “Sexy Breast Exam” competition to two fine competitors, volunteers from the audience, who had a lot of natural talent. In between audience shenanigans and dance numbers, co-emcees JT Newman and Betsy Rubinstein had a lot to say about the Bright Pink organization which supports young women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancers, and LCCP, who provide health care, advocacy and education to the women who need it most, regardless of their health insurance status.

Cruel Valentine. Photo: Lady A.

Prizes were won, personal stories of breast health were told, for strictly educational purposes, pinup beauty Scarlett DeVille gave herself the most thorough home breast examination I’ve ever seen, which really made everyone stop and think about how to handle boobs. Queerella Fistalot was there giving full-on fish to thunderous applause. Mae the Bellydancer shimmied and shined; Red Rum the lady goat bared her six teats; and Millie May kept it real with a little thug luv. Wanda Makeout’s Dictionary of Boobs was quite the fascinating read; Cruel Valentine cruelly broke hearts with her passionate mambo for mammaries. And Miss Vine ended the evening on a bittersweet note, a truly inspired dance involving lights, bandages, heartache and healing. Oh, these ladies were good. Each in her own way inspiring a most studious examination of boobs, and even more, an appreciation for the women who own them.

The show was dedicated to the memory of Christina Santiago, who worked tirelessly for the rights and health of women. To learn more about women’s health issues, click here.

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About Lady A

Lady A is a relationship and sex columnist for OpusChicago. Her blog is Have a question? Send it to or tweet @dearladya.