Waxing and witching

DEAR LADY A: I am curious about the trend of completely waxing the vaginal area. Is this something that mainly porn actresses do, or is it something that a lot of women do? Do you think there is any hygiene benefit to being completely waxed? Also, does having no hair make oral sex better for a woman?

— Bushy

DEAR BUSHY: As far hygiene benefits go, there aren’t any of note.

Waxing, for most women, is really more of an aesthetic choice. In practical terms, yes it can make oral sex better, because your partner can find your complex and subtle lady parts more easily (not to mention some people will deeply appreciate your effort to keep irritating pubic hairs out of their throat, which is good because it eliminates eating out remorse) and then there is the sensitivity issue, but we’ll get to that in a moment.

While you may in fact have merely an empirical curiosity, I’m going to assume you were being demure, my bushy little kitten. What I think you wanted to write is, “I’m very interested in personally trying this trend. Do you think I should?” My answer, is yes. Bald and beautiful is not just for porn stars and Vin Diesel, anymore. These days, it seems that every woman tries going ‘Brazilian’ at least once and I think that’s a good thing, because as far as sexy experiments go, this one is as low risk as you can get.

Unless you cannot handle pain, that is. Yes, you will face the discomfort of having to gymnastically spread your legs for the scrutiny and manipulation of a total stranger who isn’t a gynecologist, wears four inch fake nails and sincerely worries about the size of your forehead pores. And yes, this esthetician’s actual job involves placing her face mere inches North of Crotchville to meticulously pluck away every untamed shrew hair that thought it could escape the process of boiling hot, lavender-scented medieval death tar dried and furiously ripped off your beaver patch along with your top layer of skin.

Sounds pretty gruesome, I know.

It’s ok if you feel the need to back out the room, throw your laptop in the oven and run to enter your cooter into the nearest witness protection program. But, if you’re still up for the possibility, there is good news: The first wax is the hardest, and the hairs get finer and less painful to remove after that. You won’t have to do it again for at least six weeks. You’ll never have to worry about pruning your overgrown bush to slip into a bikini or sexy lingerie again…

And for some women, the reward is a *serious increase in snatch sensation*… Seriously! As in, “I never knew just walking around in tight, satin panties could get me so hot and creamy” or “I just had an orgasm walking up the stairs!” Now, unless you try it once, you just can’t know if you’re that special kind of gal who experiences the rush of hyper pussy sensitivity the second that pretty kitty is hairless. But wouldn’t you just love to find out?**

** As always, Lady A requests that you contact her when you do find out. Please include diagrams.

DEAR LADY A: Were you really a zombie for Halloween? I thought you’d maybe be a sexy witch, just wonderin’!?!

— Lost Boys Vampire

DEAR VAMPIRE BOY: Since I was once informed by a psychic that I’d have been burned at the stake, had I lived in Salem (and I think she meant in current times), I can understand your line of thinking. Especially if you consider me more of a Samantha from “Bewitched,” or better yet, her “evil” twin Serena. It’s true, I wear very short skirts, cast love spells from time to time (unintentionally, of course) and have an adorable facial twitch (what sexpot doesn’t?).

Plus, I have a familiar. Or as lesbians like to call it, “a cat baby.” He’s not so much black as he is tuxedo style, which makes sense because as a faux queen and professional fruitfly, I’ve got to stay fabulous! Sorry, but I was not a sexy witch this Halloween. Yes, I was a zombie. But it wasn’t a costume, I went full biological zombie this year. With a wit like mine, not difficult, as I have a lot of extra BRAINS! …(ahem) … to spare.

What do you think?

About Lady A

Lady A is a relationship and sex columnist for OpusChicago. Her blog is dearladya.com. Have a question? Send it to dearladya@gmail.com or tweet @dearladya.